A tongue-in-cheek guide for the uninitiated to the refined life on the Thames
2 Watch out for narrowboats, especially in locks. Narrowboat skippers new to the wide locks of the Thames can get themselves in a mess when presented with a lock with more than two inches of clearance on each side of their boat to hold them in place! A 70ft long steel narrow boat with a hull painted in black bitumen is always going to come off better in any encounter with polished white fibre-glass!
3 There are some nice pubs and restaurants by the Thames, but probably not as many as you would think. Expect a walk to the boozer if you can find somewhere to moor.
4 Finding somewhere to moor for the night is becoming more difficult and more expensive by the year. Expect to find your favourite spot occupied unless you have bagged it by mid morning. This advice may not work if the mooring has been taken over by live-aboards.
5 If you are looking for peace and quiet don't take it as a given. Boat generators, anglers' tranny radios, boat engines running for battery charging, aircraft on the approach to Heathrow, motorways and trains will all conspire to ruin the perfect spot - check the map carefully to eliminate some of these, before choosing a spot for the night.
6 Remember that Henley Royal Regatta takes place at the end of June/beginning of July and causes general chaos to river traffic in the vicinity. They start putting everything in place in January and are still taking it down in December so it seems! You need to go very slowly past the event area so get plenty of practice maintaining a straight and precise course at a snail's pace in a strong cross wind and cold driving rain before tackling this reach in June or July!
7 Hire Boats are not as big a threat to peace and quiet as on the Norfolk Broads. There are a lot less of them. Though mind out for the Belgian youth flotilla in late April! A pair of ear defenders for each crew member will blot out the noise of the hire boats running their engines while moored ( to charge their batteries so that they can watch television ) - this advice has wider applications - beware thy neighbour!
8 Red and yellow warning boards may be displayed at locks to indicate the strength of the stream. Be polite to the lock keeper if advised to moor up due to a strong stream. Be nice to the lock keeper's dog too!
9 Beware trip boats by day and by night. They come in all shapes and sizes, some elegant reminders of days gone by, others grotesque floating boxes designed to pack 'em in. At night don't be surprised to hear a floating disco approaching through the darkness at some late hour, full of drunken revelers. The ones with a jazz band are tolerable, as long as it is before midnight!
10 Finally, take account of the high price of everything in the South East, especially if it is in any way related to boating.
Copyright © 2009 Mike Hawkridge